Polar Bears Drowning; Washington Sends Lifejackets

As you have no doubt heard, polar bears have begun to drown because the ice on which they tread in quest of unsuspecting seals is melting earlier, so they have to swim longer distances in their quest for a seal meal.

Since the ice is melting about three months before it has since humans cast a weather eye toward the artic, there seems to be some agreement that the culprit is global warming. There is the usual disagreement about whether it is being caused by human activity or is part of the natural fluctuation of weather over the eons.

One vocal group attributes the blame to the bears themselves, stating, ?The ice might not melt out from under them if they didn?t get so hot about chasing down all the seals.?

Despite current uncertainties about the cause of the early melting, the Bush administration has taken immediate steps to solve the plight of the bears by sending Eskimo tribes in the region of the drownings lifejackets that have been specially sized to fit around a polar bear.

Stun guns were also included in the shipment.

The Eskimos are being encouraged to head out onto the ice, find the bears, stun them into momentary harmlessness, and then strap on a lifejacket.

There has been some resistance among the Eskimo population.

As one tribe member told us, ?You want us to go out on the ice when even a polar bear can?t make it back to shore? Where are the free lifejackets that fit us??

Washington is taking their request into consideration. There is some debate as to whether to send them the life jackets or to encourage them only to send out their strongest swimmers.

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